Daybreak | IC Inbox.

[awooligan]

CLIFFORD NORMAN
UN: REDRIDINGHOODIE

STATUS: grade 11

ACCOLADES: n/a.

BIO: name's cliff. let me know if you'll buy cigarettes and shit for me, we can work something out.

© TESSISAMESS

Comments

[kept_his_letters]

You're my friend and I care.
And I owe you a billion.
Doesn't sound like a problem to me.

I'll look.

[awooligan]

[He doesn't know what to say the that, even if he feels an overwhelming wave of...gratefulness? Affection? Either or both, or something in between. He misses her already.

After a few minutes, he still doesn't have words to put his feelings to or the confidence to say them anyway, but he taps out a reply.]

I wish this flight was shorter

[kept_his_letters]

Sadly, no one's invented a magic for time yet.

[Oh the things they would all skip. Like boring lessons.]

But we can keep talking to pass the time, if you like.

[awooligan]

[They do, and it helps, but at some point, Clifford drops off the map. He's not good at the whole keeping up with his phone thing in the best of times, and these times aren't exactly the best. In fact, it isn't until 4am October 11th that Coco will get an update on how he's doing in the form of him and two shorter figures creeping into the dorm room, trying to be as quiet as possible but accompanied by murmuring and the shuffle of luggage. Nora and Kevin are directed over to Cliff's bed -- Kevin ducking his head down to confirm what his brother said about some weirdo sleeping underneath it like some gremlin -- and Clifford, apparent from the way the moonlight bounces off his eyes, sets his things aside and turns to the other bed. His voice isn't so much a whisper as something breathed.]

Hey, sorry. I didn't want to wake you, but... [Well. He gestures to the pair quietly getting settled in, though he's not sure she can see much besides the two glowing orbs of light. It's hard to get away with not waking anyone in this situation!!]

[kept_his_letters]

[She startles awake before he speaks to her. She makes a faint noise then forces silence as figures enter the room. She watches with a held breath but she's not awake enough to put two and two together until she sees shining eyes in the dark.]

Cliff? What's going on...?

[She sits up in bed.]

[awooligan]

Uh... Short story is that I'm back?

[Oh boy. He doesn't really want to get into all of it, especially not in front of his family or while Lalli is hopefully still asleep, but when he glances behind his shoulder and spots Nora giving a weak, tired smile in their direction, he exhales and holds his hand out for Coco.]

Here, I'll explain outside so we don't have to keep whispering. Unless you want to get back to sleep right away... We can talk later, too.

[kept_his_letters]

[He's so adverse to contact, so different from what she was used to back home and she'd accepted that. Which makes it a surprise when he offers his hands. Slowly, she reaches out, like he might pull away at a moment's notice.]

Tell me.

[Better now before he changes his mind or worries about it.]

[awooligan]

[It's dark and he doesn't want her to trip, especially because he's interrupted her sleep just to be all "oh honey, I'm home!" Ugh.

But anyway, he leads her out into the floor's common area, dropping her hand and shutting the door as quietly behind him as possible. With his eyes, it's easy to locate the little lamp and turn it on while he murmurs so that she can see, too, though if he'd remembered how bad he looked he might have kept her in the dark. Now his bruises concentrated on one eye but in ugly splotches and leading down to his neck, as well as his split lip, will be easy to see.]

I would've slept out here so I didn't wake you up, honestly, but Mom and Kev deserve a bed to crash in after a flight that long. Even if this one has that weirdo under it... They wanted to come back with me, so they're here. You probably figured that one out.

[kept_his_letters]

[The light flicks on. Her breath hisses through her teeth. Her eyes fix upon the bruises. She takes in the barebones explanation but can't look away. She nods slow.]

Okay. I don't mind letting mine be used too.

So... what happened?

[awooligan]

[With a shake of his head, Cliff moves to one of the couches and settles into the corner, one leg drawn up for him to wrap his arms around and the other dangling down.]

Don't be stupid. I'm not going to kick you out, I'll stay out here tonight.

[And then she's asking, and even though he said he'd tell her, he hesitates. What all is there to say... After a moment, he flicks his eyes back up to her and grins crookedly.]

I guess they'd gone to the airport, so when I got home it was just me and Carl, which sucked. I wouldn't have grabbed a ride if I knew, but with how Mom didn't want to talk until we were face to face, I sort of felt like I was in trouble. I didn't think she'd want to pick me up, especially with Kev with her. He's afraid of monsters. They must've gone right after he got out of school. Anyway, it wasn't that long before they got back.

[Just going to gloss over how it took a good while for them to actually get around to having The Talk.]

It...went okay. I don't think any of it's really sunk in for Kevin yet, but Mom seemed like Mom. Kind of chided me about how I know I can talk to her about anything, but she wasn't mad about it, or disappointed, or whatever. Just relieved it was all out there, I think. I mean, they wanted to come back with me, so that's a good sign, right?

[kept_his_letters]

[She means to offer her bed so that his mom and brother don't have to stay stuck on one, but even as she opens her mouth to argue, she knows Cliff won't want to inconvenience her. She'll just speak to Cliff's after she's done talking to Cliff.

She nods as she listens, still watching him. He tells out, really, but it still feels like there's a big gap there.]

I think so. I mean, it would be kind of silly to travel all this way just to yell at you.

[She smiles faintly.]

So they know. And they still love you. And they're here and it's good.

[She lifts her hand and touches her own face where Cliff's bruises are.]

And... that?

[awooligan]

[Yeah...yeah. And it would have been silly to fly him back home just to disown him, but that didn't make his fear seem any less real. He's still a little afraid now, especially since he didn't know if there was going to be some other shoe dropping once it sunk in that Carl was out of their lives. For Cliff, it was one of the greatest things that could have ever happened...but what did it matter, if they suffered because of it? Because of him?

That thought and Coco's question make his face fall into guarded neutrality.]

What about it? It's nothing.

[kept_his_letters]

It's not nothing.

[Her voice almost sounds sharp there. Almost like Mamá's. But she doesn't have Mamá's ability to hold so strong like that.]

I'm just wondering if they know about it. If you talked about it too. If it's going to stop happening, since you don't have to hide anymore.

[awooligan]

[His jaw tightens a little, but it's far better than flinching away like he wants to. He expected her to fight back on it, this time. That's his saving grace. He wants to deflect again, but he's too tired and achey, and she's too sweet and stubborn. He doesn't think he could get away with it for long. Instead, he watches her until he feels steady enough to take a deep inhale and shake his head.]

Yeah.

[There's so much more he wanted to say -- well, wanted was a strong word -- but the words don't come. The old standby comes out instead, adapted but dull.]

It wasn't a big deal.

[kept_his_letters]

It was. And it still is.

[Her expression softens.]

But I'm glad it's over. You didn't deserve that. And don't you dare tell me you did.

Wait here, okay?

[She walks off. She's heading for the common room kitchens, digging up and ice pack to bring with her and something to drink too. Water would be wise but they're teenagers and she grabs what looks like the most sugary drink in the fridge. She's soon back and delivering both to Cliff. This time her smile is a little more genuine.]

[awooligan]

[When she doesn't push and gives him space, his shoulders lose some of their tension. It doesn't feel good that she's leaving, but he manages to tell himself that she's not leaving leaving, and she doesn't really have somewhere to go at this hour anyway. After a pause, he accepts her offerings.]

Thanks.

[He stares at the ice pack, a little like he's not sure what to do with it. It's been years since he used one, and even then it had just felt like a heavy reminder of everything that was spiraling out of control and he couldn't understand. He didn't much like the feeling, even if it's supposed to help the hurt. He awkwardly sets it on the back of the sofa to crack open the soda instead. Sugar good. The fact that she's looking at him less like he's a pitiable hound at the pound is good, too.]

I don't get how you sound like you got it all figured out when... [No one else did.

Even now, he doesn't think they know the extent of it, really... That's how it was supposed to be. He'd been handling it, in his own way, because it was something he decided he could handle. It wasn't supposed to be anyone's problem but his.

What he really doesn't understand is how someone like her notices him at all.]

Don't talk to them about it, okay? It doesn't matter, and they shouldn't think about it more than they have to.

[kept_his_letters]

[She laughs, soft and a little sad.]

Do I sound that way? I don't feel like it.

[She goes to sit on her floor, letting her back rest against the arm of the couch. He'll be able to lay down, if he wants. She draws her knees up, still wearing her clothes from the day.]

... I'm not going to talk to Kevin. I'm sure it's hard enough. Everyone's got a lot to think about.

[She won't promise not speaking to Cliff's Mother.]

But if you keep saying it doesn't matter I might have to shake you.

[awooligan]

[Cliff is trying to figure out how to bug her into sitting on the couch, but when he grips the edge of it and leans over to her, it isn't what's on his mind anymore. There's much more important things to worry about. He noticed the deliberate absence of his mom in the promise.]

Coco, no. My mom's already worrying enough about it. What if she thinks I told you, when I couldn't even tell her?

[kept_his_letters]

You didn't. You didn't tell me anything. You still haven't.

[She leans her head back, looking at him. Her dark hair, loose from her braids, sweeps back. She hops her words don't sound accusing.]

What if it works out fine? Everything else did.

[She sighs.]

She's a Mom Cliff. Your Mom. She's going to ask me. She's worrying already and she's probably hurt and she can handle it. She'd rather do that than be kept in the dark. I'd bet you 5 pesos.

[awooligan]

[He shakes his head fervently, though he's quick to stop with a wince. He's used to the pain and vague detached feeling from the blows to his head, but the extra ache it adds to his neck is new. The guilt he feels doesn't help, either.]

Why are you making this a big deal? I'm fine! She already knows I made her happy family implode, so she doesn't need you giving her crap about it!

[kept_his_letters]

[She pulls a sharp breath. Her eyes close, bracing as he shouts. She tries to keep her voice measured.]

He hit you. Your stepfather beat you. Often enough your family thought you got into fights.

[He confirmed it at last with that, but putting it to words feels like breaking something.]

You're not the one who ruined things. Why aren't you making it a big deal?

[awooligan]

[It's weird, he thinks, how her saying it makes everything hurt that much worse. He falls back to put his head on the back of the couch again, his eyebrows furrowing as he closes his eyes. He doesn't have an answer for her, just a shaky breath.

It's fine.

It's not a big deal.

Don't worry about it.

It doesn't matter.

She hasn't listened to any of them, and he doesn't know why when he said the words with ease time after time. For a while it had felt like a lie, but at some point it just became natural, and more true the more he said it. If she didn't let him say it and leave it at that... What the hell was he supposed to do? How was he supposed to defend himself, without those words? Everything's falling apart again, including him, and hates it.]

[kept_his_letters]

[Her face softens. She looks over at him, a knot of guilt twisting in her guts to make him look this way. But she's not backing down.]

I know you're worried. But you can trust me. I promise.

[She won't say it'll be okay. Things could fall apart as easily as Cliff's mother giving that man another chance. But... she doesn't think that will happen.


She turns her gaze up and closes her eyes. She starts to hum a song that slips in and out of her mind.]

[awooligan]

[It's comforting, but he hates that, too. He was supposed to be able to do this. It was just his life, and people weren't supposed to pay attention to him or how he lived it. Everyone was happier that way.

Eventually the tremble when his breathes goes away, but he's begun to hold himself tightly in an unconscious effort to further soothe himself and repair his defenses. He lets his eyes open again, though his lids are heavy and it feels unnatural just to gaze half-lidded at the corner where the wall and ceiling met.]

She's a good mom. [Cliff's voice is much quieter, now, depleted along with everything else, maybe.] It's not her fault she didn't know. There's a lot of things I didn't tell her.

[kept_his_letters]

[Coco nods. Her song ends and cliff speaks, quiet, yet still clear in the quiet night.]

No, it's not her fault. She seems good.

[That she agrees with.]

She flew all this way just for you. She must love you a lot.