Daybreak | IC Inbox.

[awooligan]

CLIFFORD NORMAN
UN: REDRIDINGHOODIE

STATUS: grade 11

ACCOLADES: n/a.

BIO: name's cliff. let me know if you'll buy cigarettes and shit for me, we can work something out.

© TESSISAMESS

Comments

[kept_his_letters]

[Coco nods. Her song ends and cliff speaks, quiet, yet still clear in the quiet night.]

No, it's not her fault. She seems good.

[That she agrees with.]

She flew all this way just for you. She must love you a lot.

[awooligan]

Yeah.

[The knot in his stomach starts to unwind with the confirmation that Coco wasn’t going into this talk with blame already set in her mind. His mom was dealing with enough, she must be so hurt and worried, and she didn’t need some teenage friend of her son’s she doesn’t even know judging her and making her feel worse about it.

Cliff swallows hard, and picks his forgotten soda back up to try getting rid of the lingering tightness. It all felt weirdly...shameful. It’s so different than the burning anger he usually had in the aftermath of Carl’s violence. Maybe he’s just too tired for it, after the disaster that’s been the last couple days.]

...I’m sorry I got mad at you. I know you just want to help.

[kept_his_letters]

It's alright. You've had a rough time.

[A bit of a good in there but still.]

I don't want to meddle. It's your life and I'm just some girl. But I didn't like it.

[awooligan]

[Just some girl... He takes another drink, then stares down into the opening.]

It shouldn’t matter so much. You didn’t have to care. [Even if it was something he didn’t like, either. He’d hated it for much longer than she knew.] I’m just some guy.

[kept_his_letters]

You're wrong.

[She looks to meet his eyes.]

No one should have to hurt like that. I had to care.

[awooligan]

[He immediately averts his gaze away out of habit. She isn't...wrong, so why does it feel like he needs to protest this more? ]

He's a liar and an asshole, even when I wasn't doing anything wrong, and not having anything to do with him anymore is pretty much one of the best things that could have happened to me... But it was never more than I could handle. It was fine until now.

[kept_his_letters]

[Now, she looks away too. She sits quietly for a moment.]

... Mamá never cried, when he left. Not in front of anyone. She'd make herself busy, she'd get mad, she'd just refuse to be sad about it. If the hurt was out of the way, she could handle it. I think she's the strongest person in the world... but she didn't handle it.

She didn't want to be sad. So she decided not to be. She pretended she wasn't hurt and that it didn't exist. But she wasn't fine. If she was, we would have had music. If she was, she wouldn't need to pretend and hide at all. I wouldn't have to pretend I never heard her, what she sounded like when she thought she was alone.

[Her chin rests down upon her knees.]

You can go a long time, pretending it's not there. But when you finally look, it's always uglier than if you just looked in the first place. Especially if you can't go back to pretending anymore.

[awooligan]

[With attention safely off him, he peeks back over. He doesn't know what to say, and he can't reach out to pat her head or rest his hand on her shoulder in order to comfort her or let her know he understood what it was she was telling him. Maybe he needs his barriers, or maybe he's just used to doing nothing. He wants to...but he can't. Even with how deeply he trusts her, now.

So he doesn't, because she doesn't need to know just how weird and personal it was for him to be the wolf but still feel what it would have been like if he weren't shifted, how indistinguishable touch would be so that petting the wolf was the same as running a hand through his hair or stroking along his back. Cliff just holds his breath and tentatively nudges his nose into her hair above her ear. No sound, and no awkward moment of being in between, because there was no in between. He's just here as the wolf, and grateful beyond words that she's there, too.]

[kept_his_letters]

[She blinks at the feeling of... something in her hair. Not a hand. But then...?

She turns her head and her eyes widen. She does look afraid. She looks surprised. She looks on him with a hint of wonder.

She turns, shifting on her knees to face the couch where the wolf sits. She reaches out slow, careful, as she touches the fur on the wolf's face, where his cheek would be. She smooths a hand through the fur on his head, between his ears.

And then, her arms go up and wrap around and she hugs him close.]

[awooligan]

[It's weird, so indescribably weird, and scary, too. He barely keeps himself from flinching away completely as she reaches for him, or shuddering at her touch. The wolf had the same injuries, but more than that...hands reaching for him, even to comfort, wasn't something he'd come to love, for obvious reasons. He can't keep his ears from lowering, a signal of his discomfort with the situation, but he doesn't protest the hug. Leans into it, just a little. God knows he needs it right now.]

[kept_his_letters]

[She feels selfish, terribly selfish, for even though she sees the folding back of his ears, she still wants to hold him anyway. She misses her family. She misses him. She aches for Cliff and she pities her own stupid self. She needs to hold on, at least for a little bit.

She rubs her hand over his back a little, then starts to pull away. There's a faint smile on her face.]

You really are soft after all.

...Thanks.

[awooligan]

[Well, shit. He can’t exactly shift back now and have her see how hard he’s blushing both from her actions and her words. Instead he leans to get a little more space before resting his chin down.]

Don’t worry about it. I feel like I should be thanking you, anyway.

[He speaks, not like Tobias where the words were almost felt more than heard, but with his mouth the same as if he were human. He sounds the same, too.]

But, uh. Let’s maybe keep all that between us. I don’t want other people thinking they’re allowed to pet me, or something.

[Plus the whole, you know, not wanting people to know what he was thing.]

[kept_his_letters]

[It surprises her visibly when he speaks, just as plainly as when he was human too. But, to her credit, she rolls with it quickly.

Her smile warms a little.]

Alright. I promise. I guess that would get pretty annoying.

But I don't really know what you'd be thanking me for.

[awooligan]

[Annoying. Yeah, sure, that works. It's closer to his brand, anyway, and he could use the shred of dignity she offers when he's throwing away whatever he had before. He's already fragile and exposed, why the fuck not. He's getting to hide in different skin right now anyway.]

You make it okay to not be okay. Be me, even when I'd rather not be.

[And for being here now, even if he would have liked her in his life sooner. Things would have been better.]

[kept_his_letters]

[It's such an open statement from him, she finds it disarming, color springing to her cheeks. For a moment she's scared, in the way of holding something incredibly delicate and realizing how easily it could be crushed in clumsy fingers. But she's touched too. She wants to reach out and put her hand to his face again.]

I guess... maybe I needed it too.

... Can I sit up there with you?

[awooligan]

[Unbidden, his tail gently thumps twice against the cushion, relief and happiness settling over him like a warm blanket. It has been...such a weekend.

In response to her request, he pushes himself up to a sitting position and readjusts so he's not taking up the whole fucking couch with his stupid wolf self. Come on up, you good Coco Bean.]

[kept_his_letters]

[She presses her mouth and ducks her head, trying to hide that laugh that seeing his tail wag brings. She doesn't entirely succeed.

She climbs up from the floor and settles back onto the couch. Even like this, he's still taller. Unfair.

She looks at him for a long moment.]

You're free. No more jerk. And the world is changing too. It's going to be better.

[awooligan]

[When she doesn't say anything at first, he starts getting a little antsy -- it's the sort of moment where, if he were human, he'd be doing that picking at his shoes thing. His ears perk forward when she does finally speak, and even as a wolf he seems to have a bit of a grin and a happy spark in his eye. Yeah. He's free. Except from this rude, wonderful girl who dares to be amused by his involuntary idiot dog tail wags!!

Cliff opens his mouth, but turns his head back to the door of their room a second before it cracks open, though the one coming through had been trying to be quiet in his nervousness. Coco will get to see how instant of a flip it is when he shifts, just like a dial being turned on an eye exam to show the world in a slightly different way. Perception altered, and there he is with one leg hugged up against his chest and the other dangling over the side like he'd been that way all along.]

Kevin? What's up?

[The younger boy seems reluctant to leave the doorframe, but makes his way over to the couch to hold the back of the seat and rest his chin there.]

Hi, Coco. [Onto business, though.] You didn't come back...

[Not having Cliff nearby felt like a failure on his part, now, if the stress in his tone and eyes are any indication. Cliff frowns a little before reaching up and resting his hand on his brother's.]

Yeah, sorry. Uh, I was going to sleep out here tonight.

[Which of course doesn't help Kevin's displeasure with this whole situation.]

Why? Can't you stay with me?

[It might be an embarrassing thing to say in front of Cliff's cool lady friend, he's supposed to be too old for things like this, but Kevin hardly cares about that, after the time they've all had.]

Isn't it crowded enough with you and Mom? And Lalli and Coco make four to the room already. [An attempt at a tease to make all of this seem less scary, though the smile he gives is soft and reassuring.] Yeah, I can sit on the floor right next to the bed until you fall asleep. Of course.

[kept_his_letters]

[It's amazing, the way he just changes in the blink of an eye. It's not like the books or the movies. There's no pain, no transformation between. He simply is.

And then a younger boy is wandering out, taking their attention.]

Hola, Kevin.

[Her voice is quiet. She knows the greeting is just a formality. Kevin's focus is on Cliff.

She watches the exchange. She knows what needs to be done. It's just a matter of Cliff realizing it too.]

I was just telling Cliff he should use my bed. [She meets his eyes, a silent suggestion not to argue, even as she still speaks to Kevin.] You could both use it, and that way your Mamá will have more space to rest better.

Besides. [She pats the couch.] Then I can have the whole common room all to myself.

[awooligan]

[It’s a lot harder to argue when Kevin is looking at him, too —- despite Cliff being the werewolf, it was his brother that mastered the puppy dog eyes. Much as he wants Coco not to worry about it and stay safe and snug in a place she could call hers while away from home...there’s Kevin, who needs him. Or maybe it’s him that needs this more. Either way, he gives Coco an awkward but grateful smile as he relents.]

Thanks, Coco... [Oof. He’s too tired and sore for his heart to be doing this flip-floppy nonsense. He’s gonna bring out the best, softest blanket for her, gosh. She deserves it.]

[kept_his_letters]

[Kevin could use the support. He's got the hard fact to swallow that his father wasn't who he thought. She doesn't envy that. She sure he's worried about Cliff too. And Cliff, of course, needs his family.

And finally, he might actually let himself have them.

She smiles warmly up at him.]

De nada, Cliff. Buenas Noches.

[awooligan]

[It was technically already the next day, but it never feels that way when it's in that fuzzy section of time that, for most people, may as well not exist. Regardless, it's into the afternoon and Cliff is out in the common area having Tobias meet Kevin in person, or in hawk, or whatever. Watching them play games and generally feeling content with life now that he's been afforded more freedom.

Nora, on the other hand, is at one of the desks in the dorm room, typing out various emails in order to notify work, check in with her neighbors who would actually use email (and making a mental note to call the others later on, when it was a better time back in Oklahoma), get an update from Jay... Go over the sudden surge of expenses, which was well worth it but was another heavy reality to deal with. She sighs and covers her face a moment, but she just needs that moment of weakness before she pushes her chair back and smiles over to Coco.]

I'm sorry to have put you out like that last night, Coco. You're too kind. [And then she's too busy to even be polite...or nosy.] I could use some coffee -- would you like me to bring anything back for you?

[kept_his_letters]

[She would be exhausted, but unlike the others here, she doesn't actually have to attend classes. (On that note, she was missing so much school back home...) She can sleep in and still be alright.


She's back in her braids and going over her own notes when Nora speaks to her.]

Oh! No, gracias! I'm alright. [She wanted Atole. Or a good, real coca-cola. Not the weird wrong flavored sort. Alas.] But, you didn't put me out. You don't have to worry about it.

[awooligan]

[The mother gives her another warm smile before nodding, closing Cliff's laptop he's so graciously letting her borrow, and heading off to retrieve something hot, comforting, and bracing. She could use the boost for this. When she returns with a steaming mug, she looks a little less tired, but no less weary.]

You know, that was something Clifford would tell me a lot. Not to worry... But that's a mother's job. I feel like for all the worrying I did, it still wasn't enough.

[She's exhausted, she's sad, she's furious, but she manages to keep her voice from showing just how heavy all her emotions were.]

You two spoke for a while last night. [He didn't ignore the chance, or dismiss the subject quickly. He actually took the time to talk to her, whatever it was they talked about.] You must be a good friend to him. Thank you.

[kept_his_letters]

[She feels a pang of guilt for that. She hadn't meant to remind her of Clifford's deflections.

And then everything else... She feels the need to say something, to comfort her, but she doesn't get to before she's met with a thank you. She flushes a little and looks down. She rubs a hand over her arm.]

It's... really more than he helped me. He's been really kind. I don't know what I would've done without his help with things.

[A pause.]

I'm sorry. About... finding out. I'm glad you did. But... I know it's... probably hard.

He worries about you a lot. And Kevin. It wasn't that he wanted to keep you out. He wanted to protect you both. He just didn't get that he should be included, I think.